If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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