I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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