Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
accomplished twins. life is a go
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize