I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
