your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize