I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize