did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize