I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
