Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
