i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
