after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
