I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
