Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
