here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
