Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My liver just broke up with me...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
