I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
