im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
third nipple confirmed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
