There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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