Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
