So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
