Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
