wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
