after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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