This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
