ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
