So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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