when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to cum in my sink.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
