My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
