i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
