omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This is my gift to your gina
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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