fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
