i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
