How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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