At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
