Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
