I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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