I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
