I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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