Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
