i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
