Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
