I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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