Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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