There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
