Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
