It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
