At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
