I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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