It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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