Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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