What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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