It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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