you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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