I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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