I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
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