Got a toothbrush?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How naked do you want me to be?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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