She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
