Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
