I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
