You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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