i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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