I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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