standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
