What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
