please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
