Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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