so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
soo... how was my night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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