did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize