just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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