I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
