May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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