I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
