Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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