I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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