Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
