btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
