Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
