So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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