the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
